Magazine / Shouts & Murmurs

Let’s Have a Long Talk About Our Relationship Just Before Bed!I think we need to litigate a text you sent in October, 2018, that’s always bothered me and which I’ve been saving for the perfect moment. Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons […]

Neighborly CannibalsI asked Kayleigh if she’s ever experimented with nontraditional Lunchables, and she just rolled her eyes and said, “Geez, Mom. Get a life. Or an ear that hasn’t been treated with pesticides.” Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily

Arrow RetrieverArrow retrieving is a young man’s game. First your back and elbows go, from the constant tugging. Then you get tinnitus, from the loud screaming. Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and Shouts & Murmurs.Technology124Jack Handey

Horoscopes Written by My MotherWith Saturn rising, you might feel the astrological pull of stubbornness in your sixth house. Like when Bess waited thirteen hours before she got the epidural. Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and Shouts

Scenes from My Open-ish MarriageMy wife and I have an arrangement. I mean, I think we do. We also have an arrangement about the grocery shopping and the recycling (I do both). Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts,

E-mails from the DemsDear Ian—you have been helpful in deleting our e-mails in the past. Won’t you please delete this one? Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and Shouts & Murmurs.Technology124Ian Frazier

My Waiting List’s Waiting ListGrounds for automatic expulsion is asking what the waiting list is for. Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and Shouts & Murmurs.Technology124Jack Handey

The Ten Best Ten-Best ListsA ranking esteemed enough to allow you to speak the word “canonical” very loudly while on the phone in the coffee shop. Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and Shouts & Murmurs.Technology124Paul Rudnick

The Ant and the Grasshopper: A Millennial FableThe ant studied for the GRE, and she still drained her 401(k). The moth lost everything to crypto. Was the grasshopper the smart one? Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and

Folding the Earth in HalfIf unfolding one single folded tennis ball can power a watch for almost half an hour, imagine what unfolding the Earth can do. Powered by WPeMatico https://www.newyorker.com/feed/humorHumor, Satire, and CartoonsHumor from The New Yorker, including news satire by Andy Borowitz, funny cartoons and comics, Daily Shouts, and Shouts & Murmurs.Technology124Ian Frazier